she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
