So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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