you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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