somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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