I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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