Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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