you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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