I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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