I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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