I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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