Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
