I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
