i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
