well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
