you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
