ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
