I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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