I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
