I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
