I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
