The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
