i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
