So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
