after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
