Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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