some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
