remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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