she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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