my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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