K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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