life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
