YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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