If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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