Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
