i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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