i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
