I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pants are for mortals
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
