I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
