im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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