Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize