The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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