No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
