what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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