The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
