Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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