Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
