he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
tell me about the eggs
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
