tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
