Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
