Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
sarcasm needs its own font
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
