On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I need water and some morals
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
