She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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