wanna go halves on a baby?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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