What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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