I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
