Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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