bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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