Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
