worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
