Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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