i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I won the penis lottery.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
