Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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