it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
