yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Less talking, more tequila
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
