It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
