I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize