Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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