In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
